It's Not A Trout Cake

The herbs are mostly a suggestion. If you can't get something, don't worry about it, just fill in with what you can get. Rosemary works well, italian parsley is good, you can probably get away with basil... You're really looking for 3/4c of Leafy Herbs Of Some Sort.

Prep:

1. Drain the tofu. Leave it on a cutting board over your sink for a couple hours to make sure it is Le Fucking Dry
2. Blend the starch into the bean water. What kind of starch? Whatever, really. Corn starch, potato starch, arrowroot -- it all comes out the same in the end.
3. While you're waiting for those things to settle, start chopping the utterly insane amount of herbs.

Assembly:

1. Squeeze the tofu until it's about the texture of hamburger meat.
2. Mix in all the chopped herbs.
3. Melt the butter, and mix it with the aquafaba, teriyaki, mustard, mayo, and salt
4. Pour that stuff over the herb and tofu mixture, add the breadcrumbs, and start working it all together
5. When it's about the same texture all the way through, stick it in the fridge for half an hour. Trust me, you will not get it out of the onigiri press in this condition.

Cooking:

1. Heat up the vegetable oil to medium-high in a Very Deep Pan. A wok is a good choice, maybe a saucepan. You want to cut down on the spatter.
2. While that's heating, spoon the stuff into a WELL-OILED onigiri press or a burger press if you like them flat, and squish thoroughly.
3. Deposit as many cakes as will fit in the pan without touching into the pan and cook until they start to brown, about 5m per side.
4. Take them out with a slotted spatula or spoon and put them on paper towels to drain some of the oil out.
5. Keep going until you run out of cakes.

They're pretty good with some kind of salad dressing. Suggest serving them with some kind of fresh greens and maybe dinner rolls, because they are Really Greasy.